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I was raised in a Christian home, attending church regularly and growing in knowledge of the Bible. As I grew into my teens and early twenties, I found myself straying from the truth, pursuing a lifestyle more in line with the culture. I had always felt I came up short in life when measured against others and had to work harder than those around me to succeed. When I did experience success, whether in athletics, at work, or in personal relationships, my sinful pride attributed it to my work ethic rather than as a blessing from God.
I continued to find my identity in those pursuits and relationships, and that caused me to spiral downward, chasing earthly gain and sinful desires to “succeed” culturally rather than pursuing righteousness as we are called to do. The more I chased these things, the emptier I felt. Finally, at the age of 28, I simply said “there has to be more than this.” I fell on my knees and prayed that God had not forsaken me, even though I had fled from Him. It was at that point that God stirred in me the desire to follow Him. Upon moving to the Arlington Heights area in the late 90’s, I started attending The Orchard. It was there I was filled by true and consistent teaching from the Bible. When I heard the words spoken by a visiting pastor, Ray Pritchard, say, “If every knee is going to bow, and every tongue is going to confess…why wait?” I knew I needed to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and invite him to be King of my life. I have continued to wage war against my sin and have at times fallen short. But God is ever faithful, and he has continued to lift me up and reset my course. I am reminded that while battles may continue to be fought, the war has already been gloriously won. One of these battles was with baptism. There was always a reason not to be baptized. I wanted my children to be older, travel for work, family obligations, etc. Satan continued to mount attacks on me, reminding me of my unworthiness and cajoling me to seek my identity once again in earthly measures; anywhere but in Christ Jesus, so that I would continually fall short. All things work together for good for those that believe, and my own sinful struggles led me to be humbled before our Great God and King. It was only through being humbled by my own that I understood I am indeed unworthy. Hebrews 4:15-16 assure me that I have a great High Priest who in every respect was tempted as I am; yet remained free from sin. I can, with confidence, draw near to the throne of grace in my time of need. It is with that knowledge I can, acknowledge Christ before men, so that He will acknowledge me before the Father. (Mathew 10:32) Pastor Colin has some of the best analogies. One that has influenced me is the analogy of a father teaching his child how to ride a bike when thinking of our spiritual walk. There are times along the way when we, “wipe out.” The disappointment the Father has in the crash is soon wiped clean by the joy experienced when He picks us up, puts us back on course, and sees us peddle forward making progress. I am not yet who I desire to be but Praise the Lord I am no longer what I once was.
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